There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
