forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
babies were throwing up all over the place
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize