Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
