Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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