He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
