Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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