Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize