he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
