just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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