she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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