that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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