you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
