I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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