One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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