Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
