Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The air was thick with penises
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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