why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
