I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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