what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
