My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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