last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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