I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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