I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize