dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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