I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
