my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You can't special order awesome
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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