Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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