Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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