Just took my morning after pill in the library
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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