Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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