About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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