I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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