Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
