so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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