I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
