Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
