Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
