I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
