he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
