I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
