My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
