I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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