my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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