How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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