I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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