Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
