Me too!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
