I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
