Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
