They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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