We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
