How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
