I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
