I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
