He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
