I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize