Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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