He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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