apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
