i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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