You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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