I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
