Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He has the fingertips of a God
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
