Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
