Banned from zoo.
Again?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
