Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
