i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
we're so committed to being not committed
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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