I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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