Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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